Emotions become numb and an empty feeling
Have you been feeling “Empty” lately? Does the world seem to have lost its colors? It may be anhedonia but what even is that??
Hello and welcome! Harshini here.
I realize this is a weird question but, how often do you feel emotions? Can you notice and name them when your emotions are subtle?
We don’t need to do anything extra just to feel something. Emotions naturally come along when a change happens. Whether it be a pleasant or an unpleasant change, no matter how big or small, we can't help but respond or react to it. For us, emotions are a part of the survival toolkit.
Our emotions are our compass. They guide us when making exciting, new, and nerve-wracking decisions. When you feel bad or guilty for doing something, it’s probably not a good thing to do. Go against your gut feelings and you are more likely to regret it later.
When you feel good about doing something, you will be glad that you did that something, and you’ll get a motivation boost to keep doing the same.
Another weird question,
If a person gets used to drinking poison, is it possible to build a tolerance against it?
Out of curiosity, I asked the internet this question, and it said that in some cases, it is possible.
If a person is used to feeling negative emotions too often, would they stop reacting to it?
I asked the internet once again, and it said: yes, it happens quite a lot.
(P.S. I didn’t type out the last question in the search box. I just typed two words, “Emotional flatlining” and that was enough for Google search to pull out hundreds of articles exploring this topic.)
I may have lost my “compass” before. So, here’s my take on this topic. I hope it resonates with readers who are feeling “empty” and reminds them that reaching out for help is good.
Quick note: I added a separate section in my newsletter for articles about mental well-being, mindfulness, and self-improvement. click here to read them.
What if we lose our compass?
What happens if you stop feeling emotions? What if you lose the compass that guides you?
In a nutshell, you would feel lost, and unusual consequences will find their way into your day-to-day life.
Not the type of consequences that get you into trouble for breaking your mom’s favorite ceramic teapot; but rather, one that stays in the back of your mind and bothers you.
On the bright side, the compass does the least it can do, and I haven’t lost the ability to distinguish right from wrong. Thanks to that, I didn’t become a person who uses the same fricking knife that is used to chop garlic TO CHOP APPLES!- ahem! I’m getting off-topic. Back to what I was saying.
If you don’t have that compass- if you don’t have your emotions to guide you, you will have difficulty making decisions. Like the other time, when I spent half a day just to decide what Pinterest picture to use as a reference for my art.
Making new choices becomes difficult. Your brain just stops letting you know what you would prefer. Overthinking becomes the norm and it makes me wish that I could be carefree like other people I’ve met and think “You won’t know if you don’t try!” and jump into new and exciting opportunities without thinking twice.
You laugh, cry, get scared, and get angry when you have to. Even so, these emotions don’t feel like they are real. You can still feel these emotions but they become subtle and not as strong-feely as emotions should be.
You may start faking your emotions when you are around others or even when you are by yourself. “If I don’t react to the changes, what's the difference between me and an emotionless robot?”.
When you genuinely feel happy, that feeling doesn’t seem to last long. It would disappear rather quickly. You would want to celebrate and embrace the happy times. But the joy and eagerness fade away before you get the chance to do so.
When you feel miserable and want to ball your eyes out, a while later, that sad feeling just- POOF! disappears. (It honestly sucks!)
It makes you doubt that your emotions may not be genuine, leaving you confused. “Was I overreacting? Was the sadness I felt not real?”.
Unlike all the other emotions, anger doesn’t seem to disappear. It’s probably the only feeling that stays unaffected even while all the other emotions can’t seem to be found.
It feels as if everything has lost its appeal. You don’t feel as lively as you once were. When you recall things of the past, they seem so full of life. Comparing those days to your current self makes you wish that humans found a way to rewind time.
The cherishable moments seem “meh” and supposed-to-be memorable moments become forgettable.
You often feel hollow- or empty. You are physically alive but your mind feels blank and it doesn’t feel ‘alive’.
What’s causing all this?
I scoured the internet and found out that this may be the cause of something called Anhedonia. The American Psychological Association defines anhedonia as “The inability to enjoy experiences or activities that normally would be pleasurable.”
Of course, self-diagonalizing is something that we shouldn’t do. If you notice that something isn’t right internally, it’s best to consult with mental health professionals.
I read a lot of articles from people who have this illness and I could relate to them to a concerning degree. I feel like I should be worried about this. But I don’t feel ‘worry’ if that makes sense.
From what I learned, Everyone experiences anhedonia. It might last for hours, days, weeks, months, or even years. But, it can’t be anything good if you’re experiencing it for too long.
It can be caused by depression or by the medications used to treat depression. But, there are cases where people experience just anhedonia. I can relate to the latter.
I also learned that It is possible to get better and start feeling like yourself again. There are many ways that professionals use to treat anhedonia, and the recovery process differs for each person.
I’m NOT a professional and I don’t have the right to give expert advice regarding this topic. However, I did gather some resources that might help you.
Have you experienced emotional flatlining before? Share what you think in the comments.
Here are some resources I found helpful:
Videos (from YouTube):
Signs of emotional blunting: 6 Telltale Signs You're Feeling Numb
Helpful tips and insights: Feeling Emotionally Numb or Empty? Here are some tips
Great advice from a psychiatrist: I'm Walking Through Life With No Emotions
Articles (not written by me):
Some good stuff to read:
What if the issue is the opposite?
Not being able to feel emotions is troubling. But a more common problem with emotions is quite the opposite. If your emotions are too strong, they might get in the way of your life.
So, If you have trouble letting go of uncomfortable emotions, hop over and read this article by a fellow Substacker.
What if everyone in the world stops feeling emotions?
I came across this post where the author beautifully explains how human society would be if everyone lost the ability to feel. Rather than focusing on one anhedonic person, she explores the big-scale impacts humankind would face in this hypothetical scenario. Read it, it’s good: How would life be without emotions
Key takeaways and tips:
I will say it again, self-diagonalizing is something that we, non-professionals shouldn’t do. If you feel like you are struggling internally, it’s best to consult with mental health professionals.
Here's an effective tip for those who are experiencing emotional numbness: write down every good that you do. Whether it's for yourself or for others. Even if it's as small as a drop of water. When you feel negative emotions, notice them and think about what that feeling is, even if it's very subtle. The more negative emotions you feel, the more your positive emotions will also increase. It’s not that bad to feel bad.
One thing that I started to do this year is write a diary every day. Keep a journal: write down small things, random thoughts, what you did that day, the nice comments and encouragements you received from people, what you watched or read that day, and how you felt that day. It really helps you to be more self-aware and notice your emotions as well as your connections with people and your surroundings.
We have this quote in my first language. It means ‘little droplets make enormous waves’. Which I think is a good analogy to keep at the front of your mind when you commit to self-improvement.
It sounds hella Cliché but there is hope at the end of the tunnel. We all have to move forward and get through the tunnel to reach it. Difficult times come, but they don’t last forever.
That’s it for today’s newsletter. If you liked this post, I hope you can let me know by leaving a quick like, comment, or share this letter with others.
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading this post and hope it was helpful. Come again next week on Friday for a ✨new post✨
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Harshini, thanks for sharing your experience about feeling numb to your emotions. I think a lot of people can relate to that.
Anhedonia does sound a bit like depression, too: when you don't feel pleasure in the things you used to find pleasure in.
I would even suggest that in today's world, we are far less connected to our bodies and much more "mind" focused. We are constantly on the "look out", analyzing and observing our surroundings, what's on Instagram, that next YouTube video and so. Because of this, we pay far less attention to our bodies, the home of our emotions.
I think it's so important to be able to notice what's going on in our bodies - both positive and negative emotions (because all emotions are valid) - and to be able to feel them. I think keeping a journal is a great way to start to reconnect with yourself and get to know yourself better.
Btw, I like your sketch at the beginning of the post. Has character! Also, thanks for linking out to my post!
It is true insofas as many folks seldom note and minimally value their emotions. Our ever helpful brain picks that up and can mute the message. Our loss. I view life without emotions rather like a black and white drawing. It may well be exquisitely rendered but, add the emotions and you add the color. Plumb the depths of the psyche and you will find emotions, among other things. :) https://homecookedanalysis.substack.com/