So, is that person in your life an energy vampire?
Why do energy vampires keep draining our energy? How to spot them? who the hell are energy vampires? Spoiler alert: a lot of us are.
Heyya! Harshini here.
I have people in my life who drain my energy like vampires. But I don’t think they realize that they are doing it. That’s why I’m writing this post for:
People who don’t know what an energy vampire is.
people who drain other people’s energy. Even if they are doing it unintentionally.
people who are getting their energy drained by other people. But they don’t realize it yet.
Who are energy vampires?
I don't think many people realize this but, people can drain other people's energy. (I will explain what I'm trying to say. So, read till the end)
No, I'm not just referring to your boss who’s adding more work to your schedule- or your P.E teacher who commanded you to run another lap around the ground.
Well, yes, these scenarios are the perfect examples of “draining people's energy”.
But, I'm also referring to those who drain your mental energy rather than physical stamina. Mostly, People who lack empathy.
They are not as far away as people think they are. There are more energy vampires in our social circle than we think.
Parents, teenagers, teachers, elders- it doesn't matter who. A person who doesn't attempt to understand another's mental state might be an energy vampire.
We can't blame babies and toddlers for getting their parents and babysitters tired. Because oftentimes, they don’t know what they are doing and don’t understand the meaning behind their actions.
But that's not the case for grown-ups. We can get better at recognizing a person's mental state if we just look around and observe.
How to know if a person is an energy vampire?
They often do and say things that put others on edge. They might be doing it unintentionally because no one wakes up and says “I'm gonna make people miserable”.
Probably.
Here are signs that a person is an energy vampire:
(Note: most of these are toxic behaviors you need to watch out for)
They often blackmail, guilt trip and shift the blame on you.
They gaslight you and make you question your beliefs.
They frame you as the source of problems and make you think that you are in the wrong.
You feel exhausted right after every time you interact with them.
You feel like you are walking on eggshells when that person is around you.
They invade your boundaries and gaslight you into thinking that setting boundaries is wrong.
They threaten you that they will commit self-harm if you don't fulfill their demands.
They act like they are interested in what you do, only when they want something from you.
They often give you an ultimatum. Such as “Do this or I won't talk to you anymore”.
They note down your words only to use them against you later.
They often respond by being passive-aggressive.
They create unnecessary drama and play as the victim.
They put the burden on you by making you believe that they can not exist without you.
They keep asking you to do favors because they know you would feel bad if you keep telling them “No'' several times in a row.
They use your kindness and good nature to their advantage.
What to do if that person is an energy vampire?
Set boundaries. Let them know that they are invading your space.
Let them know how you feel when you are around them.
If you can, cut your ties with them. Or…
Distance yourself from them.
If the relationship shows no signs of improvement or if it worsens, seek expert help. Visit a trusted therapist.
What if you are the energy vampire?
“Me!? An energy vampire?? No way!”
A person doesn’t have to do ALL the things I mentioned earlier to be an energy vampire. These are just signs that a person is exhausting to be around.
The definition of “energy vampire” varies for each person. A person who you consider an energy vampire, may not seem like an energy vampire to others. You may not think much about how you behave when you hang out with your friends. But you can’t do the same when you are in the same room as your boss or manager.
If you doubt that you may be an energy vampire, don't worry, I know you didn't just wake up and start scheming to do evil things. It might be difficult to admit that you are an energy vampire, just like how an addict doesn't like to admit that he is an addict. The addict will deny it and won’t take steps to become a better person. But you are not like him.
(P.S. Not saying that all addicts are like that.)
The only way to change is to be aware of yourself and admit to yourself that you are indeed draining people's energy even if you do it unintentionally. You don't have to tell others that you are an energy vampire. Just, don't lie to yourself.
Energy vampires usually experience internal struggles, making them act in a way that’s unpleasant to others. You can recover by visiting a therapist, committing to change, and gradually becoming a better person each day.
Every single person on the earth is an energy vampire to some degree. So, don’t feel bad and don’t deny it. Start observing your actions. Notice it whenever you do something or say something that might be unpleasant to those around you. You can stop being an energy vampire. You can change yourself for the better.
That’s it for today’s newsletter. If you liked this post, I hope you can let me know by leaving a quick like, comment, or share this letter with others.
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading this post and hope it was helpful. Come again next week on Friday for a ✨new post✨
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Outstanding post. I gleaned more indicators and warning signs from your list. When “Dracula” is in your own family, I always drew solace from this obscure song by Sara Groves. It’s called “Tornado.” https://youtu.be/9QEJiw7rYgg?si=O1-F6gtw6Wh2uo5k
Cool post. How did you come up with your list of things energy vampires do? It’s pretty exhaustive. I was thinking to myself if certain people in my life fall into any of those categories 😅