Why Do We Write? (With Douglas Jonathan Vincent)
Strong motivations behind writing online, or going with the flow. Today we are discussing the both. (+ Debunking DID myths in Media).
Harshini: Hello!
Today’s article is going to be a collaboration! It's been a while since I did this.
Today's guest is a good friend, @Douglas Jonathan Vincent.
They have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), which used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder (which is now an outdated term).
We did a collaboration on this topic last time, so if it interests you to learn more about people with DID, be sure to check out this collaboration article:
Today we're going to be talking about our motivation for writing.
I wonder what different people's motivation for writing would be? I haven't even thought much about mine, although I ponder the thought sometimes. Excited to think deeper about it! But, before we continue, let's invite our guest to the chat!
Leyna: Hello everybody!
My name is Leyna, I’m one of the alters in the Douglas Jonathan Vincent system.
I was the first “other” alter besides Doug that we became consciously aware of, when we were 17 years old.
I am very fascinated with psychology and what “makes us tick,” so much so that the other alters in our system sometimes jokingly call me “The Therapist” of our system.
But I don’t really see myself as a therapist. If anything, I see my current role as more of the “P.R. person” of our system. I have been writing about our life with DID online, to try to educate people about the fact that Hollywood’s (and other fictional media’s) portrayal of DID is not very realistic. In other words, trying to help rehabilitate the reputation of DID in the minds of the general public.
Harshini: That's awesome, Leyna! I haven't come across a fictional story portraying DID, so I didn't know anything about it until I met you and we collaborated on our first article together. I'm really glad to have discovered this topic! It is pretty fascinating to me. But, if I watched the movies about DID, I probably would have learned the myths. So, props to you for spreading the right information and debunking myths!
Also, “The therapist” part is pretty relatable, since my family used to call me that. I don't see myself that way anymore, at least until the day I start going to Psychology college. Right, now it's more like I'm the one in need of therapy, lol! But I hope I can learn more about this field in the near future!
Leyna: Yeah, there are many stigmatizing myths about DID that come from fiction, but one of the main ones is the idea that we are dangerous, violent people. There have been many horror movies made over the years that portray people with DID as being vicious murderers. But the truth is that we are far more likely to be the victims of violent crime than the perpetrators of it.
About ten years ago, in 2016, I was at the movie theater with a friend, and I saw a trailer for a movie called Split, directed by M. Night Shyamalan. I could tell from the trailer that this was going to be yet another of these movies that showed someone with DID as a terrifying murderer.
That trailer made me angry. Why were they still doing this, in an age when we are supposedly becoming more “enlightened” about mental health? I had already been thinking about sharing the story of our life experiences with DID online, using pseudonyms. But this was the last straw, the catalyst that made me decide that I need to stop procrastinating and do it.
Harshini: I see… I hope they would stop making movies like that, and really look for people who do have DID, learn more about them and then write a story portraying them. I would imagine a director would have the connections and means to meet up with at least one person.
Based on what you said, it feels like they're using characters with DID as a plot device to move the story forward rather than with the intention of writing a character who accurately represents DID and teach the audience about understanding these characters.
I get where you're coming from. I would be angry too.
Leyna: I think you’re right, a lot of writers who write DID characters see us more as a plot twist than as actual human beings. But I think that part of the reason why most of them don’t even think about searching out someone with DID to consult with, is because there is a pervasive myth that DID is “extremely rare.” Actually, the current research has found that DID is about 1.5 % of the general population, which is 1 in 75 people. That’s similar to the prevalence rates of schizophrenia, bipolar, and people with red hair.
But I’ve also heard that most schools of psychology and psychiatry are still teaching students that DID is “so rare that you’ll never see it in your practice, so you don’t need to bother learning about it.” This is a big part of the reason why most DID systems are misdiagnosed for about 7-12 years before finally receiving a diagnosis of DID. For us, it was 10 years. I personally was hurt a lot by those years of misdiagnosis, which is also a lot of my motivation for wanting to educate others about DID. I want to help educate the world, so that other systems don’t have to suffer under misdiagnosis as I/we did.
Harshini: I see! I'm sure a lot of people are able to learn and really understand the topic and people with DID by reading your articles. I think that's a wonderful thing to do!
Can you share a few titles, or topics you cover, each in a sentence with links so that readers who are new to this topic and are interested can read further?
Leyna: Sure! Thanks for the opportunity to share some of my/our posts!
I have written some posts (and plan to write more) about the representation of DID in fictional media, mostly in comics. These are in the section of our Substack called “Dissociation Representation.” I also have plans to make a podcast of the same name, and the same overall theme.
Here is my first of those posts:
Another section of our Substack is called “Our Dissociative Life.” These are posts about our own personal experiences as alters in a DID system.
Here is one of these, which is the first of a three-part autobiography of a protector alter in our system, Denise D.:
The third section of our Substack is called “The Poetry Sisters.” This is where the two poets of our system, Lilith and Vanessa, share their poetry. This section may not seem to be “about DID,” but the way we look at it, it’s helping to show that we as alters in a DID system are fully human, with the full range of human emotions.
Here is the introduction to that section, in which Lilith and Vanessa introduce themselves:
But I feel like I’ve been monopolizing this conversation. What about you, Harshini? What are your motivations for writing online?
Harshini: Thank you for sharing! It's okay.
It's my turn then. ^^
I don't think I have a strong motivation behind writing articles. It kinda just happened, to be honest.
I've always had a habit of writing random information on notebooks and keeping them. I had a notebook for each topic I was interested in: one for psychology, one for learning Japanese, one for writing random fun facts, one for writing down craft ideas and so on. I even had a notebook on parenting when I was 12 for some reason and wrote down things my mom was doing wrong, and what she could've done instead.
I also write diaries with apps.
When I heard about Substack, I thought it might be a good idea to share things I learned, so I started putting a lot of effort into writing informative articles. People were happy with it and it seemed to help them.
But life got in the way, and after a lot of things that happened, my energy levels stayed very low. I started drawing a manga (Japanese-style comics) project. And I decided to use most of my energy on it. I started writing less essays and articles and started putting less effort into them than I used to.
I still have the habit of writing down random thoughts and ideas, and occasional journaling, but I lack the energy to turn them into full-fledged articles. Doing collaborations like this article on other hand, is very enjoyable, but finding people to interview is the hard part. (So if anyone reading is interested in collaborating with me, definitely feel free to DM me).
A month or two ago, my computer stopped working properly, so I haven't been able to draw manga.
But lately, I've been indulging in writing fiction (aside from learning guitar, making crochet bags and occasional sketching).
I wrote a story (which I'm planning to share in this blog soon) and am currently writing another story which I came up with five years ago. I didn't consistently work on it, but whenever inspiration struck and I got a scenario idea, I wrote it down. It's like I have various pieces of colourful clothes in hand, and now I'm sewing them, throwing away unnecessary pieces, and adding new pieces
When I imagine each scenario, and the characters’ faces and movements, it kind of feels like it would be a waste to introduce them to the world in the form of text. Since my English vocabulary is limited, I feel like it needs visuals to bring out aIl its beauty and depth. So I'm thinking of turning it into a manga, if possible. The story is still incomplete so I can't make any promises. But I wonder how it will turn out when it's complete and I'm really looking forward to it!
Leyna: Sounds like you have a lot of interesting ideas! We are big comic book fans in our system, both American comics and manga, so we look forward to reading your manga!
I agree, with certain stories, text isn’t enough, and the visuals of the comic book/manga medium really adds an extra special touch. That’s why we’ve decided that when we tell the full story of our life with DID, we want to do it in graphic novel form, so that we can show what our alters and our inner world look like.
I’m curious, though, to hear your take on something else I’ve been thinking about lately. Do you feel like sometimes, your writing can be motivated just as much by negative emotions as by positive ones?
For instance, as I mentioned earlier, part of what made me decide to start writing about our DID online was my anger at the movie Split. But I also find that I am motivated quite a bit by my anger at the therapists who misdiagnosed us for ten years of our life. They were supposed to help us, but they actually did more harm than good. But the fault also lies with the education system which failed to equip them with enough knowledge about DID to be able to adequately help us.
It also seems to me at times that I’m motivated by fear. That is, fear that I’m not doing enough to educate others about DID. I feel like the problem is so huge, that I could never do enough to be able to change things for future generations of DID systems, so they wouldn’t have to suffer under misdiagnoses like we did. I know that it’s irrational to think that I could change the whole world by myself, but I feel so strongly about it, that sometimes it overrides the rational side of my brain.
I don’t want to be motivated by these negative emotions, and I strive to keep my sights on more positive thoughts. For instance, the thought that every person that I can educate about DID is one less who will believe the myths and stigmas about it. But my own strong feelings about my personal past come back to haunt me, and make me feel like I can never do enough to be truly successful in my goals. I’m not sure if this is what they call “impostor syndrome”?
Well, what are your thoughts on this? Do you have similar struggles with your motivations for your writing? Or do you have any thoughts about what I have shared about my struggles?
Harshini: Thanks and I'll be looking forward to your visual novel as well!
As for being motivated by negative emotions to write, I believe it's okay. I occasionally write vent pieces, but I never share them, because it would be oversharing. To be honest, your motivation is to spread the right information and educate people about DID, which is definitely a positive motivation!
I definitely struggle with imposter syndrome a lot, I sometimes wonder if I'm really a good artist or writer (well, I'm not really a good writer). I went through a lot of identity crisis, but remembering that I'm multi-passionate and that more people like me helps a lot, because it means I don't have to force myself to give up one hobby I enjoy for another hobby I enjoy.
There are times when I have wondered,
“Why am I even writing?”
“Should I continue writing?”
and “Is my writing even helping anyone?”
This was when I wrote more blog-type articles than informative articles about a certain topic. I talked about my pet, my broken tablet, my guitar class, and my weird new teacher.
But there were a few motivations behind sharing those stories, which is:
#1) I wanted to leave behind stories of my present for my future self to read. And #2) I wanted at least one person to know and acknowledge what I've experienced and I've been feeling. (Sometimes I write for my readers too.)
I live with my mom, and my grandma lives in the same apartment and same floor as us. But I spent most of my time with mom, until she got a job a few days ago.
My mom is emotionally unavailable(?) or very un-empathetic and she hates it when I cry (even though I very rarely cry). We never have heart to heart conversations or talk about things that happened or share our feelings.
So having a blog helps a lot, since I can talk about what's on my mind, and someone will definitely read it, even if that someone is me from the future.
When the future me is doing good, and living well, I want her to remember that there are a lot of really unpleasant things that happened and that I'm working hard so she can be at a better place. I don't really like reading my articles, but if she ever goes through those, I'm sure she will feel grateful.
I've been wanting to talk about this with my readers for a while. This topic is just perfect, haha.
You have a really strong motivation. I feel like it has become a part of your identity at this point. Don't doubt it!
Leyna: Thank you for your kind words of encouragement!
I also appreciate you sharing your experiences and motivations. I like that concept of writing for your future self.
I’ve really enjoyed this conversation with you, and I hope it has been enlightening to your readers and mine/ours. Let us know if you want to do another one of these sometime. We are always up for it!
Harshini: No problem! And of course! I'd love to collaborate another time. Thank you so much for joining me in this conversation today.
A note to readers: If you liked this article, be sure to check out @Douglas Jonathan Vincent’s newsletter! ⬇️
You can also start from the articles we linked earlier. If you are also a writer or if you just enjoy it as a hobby, we would love to know your motivations for writing, so feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section below.
We hope you enjoyed it, and see you all later!
Leyna: Thanks for reading! Bye for now!
Thank you for reading! We hope you liked reading this article and we hope it was helpful. Come again next week on Friday for a ✨new post✨
- Harshini & Leyna
Good one, Harshini! 👍👏🙏😊