What is self-sabotage (and how to stop it)
What is self-sabotage, how it holds you back, ways to stop it and unlock your full potential.
Hello there!
In this week’s newsletter, we are going to learn about self-sabotage and how to stop it from getting in the way of your success.
Self-sabotage is having negative beliefs or thoughts about yourself that often limit you from achieving your goals and prevent you from succeeding.
So many people sabotage themselves without even knowing they are doing it.
A person with a self-sabotaging mindset will start thinking that they are worthless, not good enough, and can’t succeed in anything. Sounds like the thoughts that pop up in your mind? Well, you came to the right place my friend. You are capable of success and I'm here to tell you what self-sabotage is and how to stop it from sabotaging you.
What is self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage happens when you have negative beliefs about yourself that clash with the things you want to achieve. Self-sabotaging is like convincing yourself that the sun is a lightbulb, while in reality, it’s a huge star.
You convince yourself that you are not good enough, while in reality, you are an amazing person.
People with a self-sabotage mindset often just give up too early. But, struggle to rationalize why they gave up. It feels off and sometimes, we can’t find the exact reason why we give up.
For example, Imagine that you read an awesome book and you admire the author so much that you want to become an author like him. And you start writing your first book. You spend weeks and months, adding more pages to the book. The more you write, the more it becomes difficult to find new ideas. Slowly you start to feel like you’re not making much progress and it just seems impossible to finish the book. You start to wonder how people would react and you start to feel like you are not knowledgeable enough to write a book. All these negative thoughts make it difficult to continue writing and you give up halfway and all your progress is wasted.
This is a pretty big and clean example of self-sabotage but not all cases of self-sabotage are this clear and noticeable.
It can be subtle and everyone does it to some degree. Most of the time, the tiny things we do which seem to have no impact, do the most damage. Let’s look at a few examples that most of us can relate to.
Example 1: you set the goal to start waking up early in the morning. But, you stay up all night watching TV.
Example 2: you set the goal to finish the project days before the deadline, and spend the rest of the days without worry. But you procrastinate on doing the project until the deadline gets too close.
These examples seem to be referring to those who procrastinate a lot and people who have difficulty keeping up with time. But in reality, people who over-work also sabotage themselves.
Working for too long without taking any breaks, skipping breakfast before going to work, staying up all night working, and not spending enough time with loved ones because “you have important work to do”, are all also examples of a form of self-sabotage.
Sacrificing your well-being to get more work done, is doing more harm than good. It might feel like you are being more efficient and productive at the time. But, Working long hours without any breaks can lead to burnout, anxiety, and stress. You will get exhausted pretty quickly.
You will have a lot more energy to do things if you just slept at least seven hours, had a healthy breakfast, and hugged or called your favorite person to say hi.
steps to stop sabotaging yourself:
There are several ways to stop self-sabotage and here are 5 things you can do.
Treat yourself like you treat your loved ones:
If your son got good grades in exams, would you tell him he got lucky? If your daughter drew a picture, would you tell her that it looks horrible? If your best friend told you that they had an awful day, would you tell them that they deserved it?
No, these are awful things a person could say to someone.
Yet we often tell them to ourselves. We should stop nitpicking every single thing we do. Be more kind to ourselves and celebrate the little things we achieve.
Talk with people:
Talking about your struggles with a trusted person can help you stop thinking bad about yourself. They might also encourage you and motivate you to keep doing what you do.
If your self-sabotage mindset overwhelms you, it might help to talk to a therapist about it.
Set small goals and divide big tasks:
Do you often set ambitious goals and never achieve them? Break your goals into smaller steps.
It makes it easier to achieve your goals and do big tasks. Seeing that you're making progress, when you check off the little tasks from your to-do list, motivates you to keep going and do more tasks.
Develop self-awareness:
Analyze and be a bit skeptical about your thoughts. Don't instantly believe every thought that pops up in your mind. Analyze it first.
Pay attention to your thoughts and identify whether it's a negative thought or a positive one. If it's a negative thought, you can overwrite it with a positive point of view.
Don't get what I'm saying? Here's an example. This is an actual thought process that went into my head when I got stuck while drawing digital art for the first time: “Why is drawing so difficult? maybe drawing isn't for me…”
Then I overwrote the negative thought with a positive one.
“No, no, no, Anyone can draw! I need to keep practicing. I've been drawing for years, and it will get easier as I keep going”
Think about what you think. Notice even the tiniest bits of negativity before they become a bigger issue and get in the way of your life.
Develop a growth mindset:
Avoid thinking unhelpful thoughts like “What if it goes wrong?” or “What if something bad happens”. You need to shut down the inner voice that tells you, you can’t achieve things. Think of helpful thoughts that let you grow and improve. Whenever something disappointing happens, or you mess something up, shift your focus to the good side of things.
For example, imagine that you draw a picture and it doesn’t turn out well. Instead of getting frustrated and giving up, think about how you're learning something new every time you draw. Your muscle memory builds up and you can make smoother lines as you practice.
Another example: The mall elevator isn't working and there are only staircases. It’s okay. Exercise is good for me anyway.
That’s it for today’s newsletter. If you liked this post, I hope you can let me know by leaving a quick like, comment, or share this letter with others.
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading this post and hope it was helpful. Come again next week on Friday for a ✨new post✨
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I appreciated your post. The honest reflection coupled with a path to a solution resonated. Have you considered iterating this post into multiple posts on X or Substack Notes? You've got good content.